How much vegan is enough vegan?

How much vegan is enough vegan?

I ask because when I think about other people's choices, every small step feels meaningful in the goal to end animal suffering. When the choice is mine, I want to eliminate every point of connection between my life and that suffering.

Not eating animals and animal products for food is not a sacrifice for me; it’s a joy. Some synthetic substitutes for fabrics and textiles don’t feel or function great, but they are far superior when considering a sheep’s life if I used her wool, a goose’s life if his feathers ended up in my pillow, or a calf’s life if I wore his skin on my hands for gloves. I mean, those are a hard no.

But cane sugar in processed items is usually refined with bone char. I could solve that problem by replacing my coffee creamer, for example, but I have not – and I’m feeling bad about that as I write.

What about buying a vegan product from a company that also makes non-vegan products or tests on animals? It’s like a label saying a product is certified vegan and also that it may contain traces of eggs and milk – because it was manufactured in a facility that also processes animals. How much vegan is enough vegan for you – emotionally, philosophically, practically? I know how a farmed animal would respond.

Animal-derived materials (ADMs) are byproducts gathered from slaughterhouse floors, and I see their use as channels of cruelty that reach into everything, insidiously. The screen I’m looking at right now and maybe the cable attached to it? They usually contain ADMs.

So, how much vegan is enough vegan? Here’s a situation I came up against this week.

I was prescribed medication for a life-altering but not life-threatening situation: menopause.

You may have heard of Premarin – an estrogen derived from pregnant mares’ urine. Like dairy cows, horses are impregnated, intensively confined and separated from their babies so their bodily fluids can be collected. Horses are still trapped in this horrific industry, though due to animal welfare advocacy, finally, this practice no longer occurs in the United States.

Gratefully, my estradiol comes from plants – wild yams and soy – and so does the progesterone, which you have to take when you take the estrogen. The whole thing is not ideal, and I hope to be off all of it ASAP for a lot of reasons, especially this: the bioidentical Prometrium is only available to me in an animal-derived gelatin capsule. It’s unspecified, but apparently that means it comes from either cows or pigs, or a mix of the two.

When I first got the drug, I was desperate for relief. I was two years into a morass of symptoms that were pushing me over the edge. When I finally decided to take medicine, I popped the pills before I left the pharmacy parking lot.

I saw the capsule right then, of course. I hadn’t even thought to ask. I crossed my fingers, hoping to avoid cruelty, but I knew better. I googled it a couple days later. Animal-based. I was keenly aware of the misalignment of my actions and values, but my condition was improving, immediately and drastically. I continued it until I returned for a check-in and requested a vegan alternative. There were options, but only one available for me. I happily tried it – but it didn’t work and I was quickly headed back off the cliff. I returned to the medicine in the offending capsule, and my physical issue was resolved.

Now I’m sharing my grief and obsessive thoughts about taking a daily medication that caused harm. I see cows' faces, sometimes pigs’, sometimes both. I ask myself how much vegan is enough vegan and remind myself that every little bit helps, but this doesn’t feel like enough.

So I Google it again, except this time, it’s not actually Google. It’s Bing because I’m on my new desktop and haven’t changed the search engine yet. Spoiler alert: big mistake. I type, “Does the gelatin in the Prometrium capsule come from animals or plants?”

And I get this: "Prometrium capsules do not contain animal gelatin. The inactive ingredients in Prometrium capsules include gelatin, but this gelatin is derived from plants, specifically from peanut oil or sunflower oil in the US formulation, making it suitable for vegans and vegetarians. In contrast, some formulations may contain gelatin sourced from animals, such as in the case of Premarin, which is derived from horses. Therefore, if you are looking for a vegan-friendly option, Prometrium is a suitable choice. Food and Drug Administration (.gov)+2”

And for a moment I go on an emotional roller coaster, then I go a couple hours down a deep rabbit hole. It only takes a bit more digging to see that this is misinformation and my original research was sadly correct. The gelatin is animal-derived, and there’s glycerin in the capsule as well, almost certainly the animal form.

I felt a little insane when I asked another AI if a search engine would be intentionally misleading. It gave me a lesson in AI-generated SEO articles, content farms and misinterpretations that circulate on low-quality health blogs that “autogenerate vegan-friendly claims” and “invent explanations to fill gaps.” At that point, I ran screaming from my desk and bolted outside to touch grass, as they say – or desert sand, in my case.

So, where are we? I changed my search engine and I am taking a capsule containing gelatin and glycerin, thereby contributing to the pain of tortured animals in order to ease my own pain – and hoping I won’t need it for long.

How vegan is enough vegan?

If any of this resonates with you, or you'd like to share a story, please reach out at allie.irwin@gmail.com

P.S. The offending capsule is pictured above in an unedited photo that is as confounding as the issue.